


This Life I Lead

by torigates



Category: Prison Break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael had told a lot of lies in his lifetime. After years suffering from LLI, countless foster homes, an older brother with anger and drug problems and just plain old being poor, he just got used to bending the truth every once in a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Life I Lead

“Michael!”

He tore his eyes away from the window, where he had been studiously watching water patterns form from the down pouring rain, to look at his math teacher. She looked annoyed. He cursed internally.

“Are you paying attention Mr. Scofield?”

“Yes,” he lied.

Michael had told a lot of lies in his lifetime. After years suffering from LLI, countless foster homes, an older brother with anger and drug problems and just plain old being poor, he just got used to bending the truth every once in a while.

Michael was smart, and his mother had raised him right. He knew that lying was wrong, but he also knew some things his mother hadn’t taught him. He knew that life was hard, that the world was a bad place and that people didn’t like him. He had to protect himself, and so he lied. He lied so people wouldn’t think he was freak, so the kids at school wouldn’t know about what happened at home, so the teachers wouldn’t know Lincoln was in jail again, so no one would notice that when he didn’t eat.

Lying was just a way to get through the day. He wasn’t a _liar_ , he just did and said what needed to be done.

He did his best to pay attention for the rest of the period, but it was hard. He was already a chapter ahead in the textbook, and knew it didn’t get any more interesting.

When the bell rang to announce the beginning of lunch, he gathered all his things and hurried towards the door.

“One moment please, Mr. Scofield,” Mrs. Walker’s voice came just before he could leave the classroom. He cursed again and then turned around.

“Yes?”

“Is everything alright, Michael? You seem to be a little distracted in class lately,” she said.

“My grades are still good.”

“I know they are.” She paused, “This isn’t about grades. Are you alright?”

He thought about how he had fought with Denise, his latest foster mom three times this week, how he had just heard from Lisa that Lincoln got fired from his last job and about how much he hated the new psychiatrist the state had stuck him with before answering.  
“Of course. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

She hesitated, but eventually let him go with a reminder that he could come to her anytime he needed to. He thanked her, but he knew he never would. He already spent an hour a week not talking to his psychiatrist; he didn’t need another person who wouldn’t understand him.

Michael didn’t see anything wrong with lying because he only lied when he had to, he never lied to the people that mattered, at least not when he could help it.

His day just got worse when he arrived home to have Denise tell him that Lincoln had called, and wanted Michael to call him back as soon as possible. Under normal circumstances, a phone call with his brother wouldn’t be a bad thing, but he just wasn’t feeling like talking with _anyone_ today. He knew he had to call Lincoln back, or suffer the consequences, so he set about looking for the phone.

When he eventually did find it under a pile of clean laundry, and after a fight with Denise about the disgusting state of the house, he dialed Lincoln’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Linc, it’s me.”

“Mike! Oh, man, I am so glad you called!”

Michael knew it should make him feel good that his brother was so happy to hear from him, but all it did was make him more annoyed. He tried to listen patiently while Lincoln went on about day-to-day things, and how LJ was doing, but he just didn’t have it in him to be enthusiastic.

“Mike, are you alright?” Lincoln’s question caught him off guard, and forced his attention back into the conversation.

“Of course, I’m just tired.”

“Alright, if you’re sure, buddy. How are things going with Denise? And Dr. Ross?”

Michael put a smile on his face (he read somewhere that smiling made you sound happier), and put as much enthusiasm into his voice as he could before answering. “They’re good, Linc. Everything is real good.”

“Alright, good.” Michael hated how happy Lincoln sounded, and how easily he was able to deceive his brother.

He didn’t like it, but sometimes he had to lie to Lincoln. In fact, Michael hated lying to Lincoln, but he figured it was ok as long as he was doing it for Lincoln’s own good. He didn’t need to know things like what happened on Pershing Avenue; what that man had done to him, or what he had seen happen. He didn’t need to know that LJ had decided he didn’t want to see his dad that one time, not that Lisa had changed her mind like Michael said. Little white lies, they made things easier for everyone, and Michael didn’t see anything wrong with telling them.

Michael got much better at lying to professors, doctors, classmates, colleagues and acquaintances. He could never quite perfect lying to Lincoln and he always felt like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar when he did.

Time passed, some things changed, and some things stayed all too the same. He graduated from high school (with honours), met and dated girls, went to college and got a job. He didn’t quite fit in, but he did his best to pretend that he did.

“Hey, Mike, a bunch of us are going to the bar after work today, you want to come with?”

Michael looked at his co-worker for a moment, considering. “I don’t think so. I’ve got a lot to do here, and then I’ve got to head home.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, he _did_ have a lot to do, but there was nothing waiting for him at home.

As he went to get some coffee, he heard voices.

“What did he say?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“That would be a no, then.”

As Michael listened to his colleagues mock his predictability he realised for the first time that all his lies could work against him. His co-workers thought he was a nice guy, if a little weird. None of them knew his true self; they only knew the person he projected. He never considered that lies would keep people out and stop them from getting to know him. He didn’t realise that his lies would keep him isolated in his perfect world of circular windows and control.

Still, Michael didn’t see any reason why he should change, everybody lied, even Lincoln. Lincoln was worse than Michael; he lied about the important things, things that changed Michael’s life.

He had never been more stunned than when Veronica revealed the reason Lincoln had needed the ninety grand.

_“You want to know what the ninety grand was for?” She asked him._

_“I think I do.”_

_“You,” she spat the word at him, like he hadn’t always been there for her._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“The money you got when you were eighteen years old from your mother’s life insurance, the money that paid for your degree, that got you this job, that bought you your loft, your mother never had life insurance that money came from Lincoln.”_

_“How?”_

_“He borrowed it. He knew it would be tough to pay back, but that didn’t matter, because he thought you deserved it. He also knew you’d never accept it if you knew it came from him. Michael, you are where you are because of your brother.”_

_“You’re telling me he is where he is because of me.”_

So Michael lied again. When Lincoln said, “You need to forget about this, move on, work hard, do what you do,” Michael let him believe that he would move on. It was for his own good. The less Lincoln knew about what Michael was planning, the better off he’d be.

The shocked look on Lincoln’s face when he first saw Michael inside Fox River showed Michael the flaw in his logic. He had lied so well and so often to his brother (and to himself, if he was being honest), that Lincoln believed that Michael didn’t love him, that Michael wouldn’t do anything for him, that Lincoln was unworthy of Michael’s love.

It broke Michael’s heart, and at that moment he vowed at that moment that he would never tell another lie to Lincoln or anyone else who mattered to him.

Then he met Sara Tancredi.

It would be tricky, but Michael never met an obstacle that he couldn’t overcome. While he knew in his heart that Sara was Someone Important, his entire plan revolved around the idea that he would need to lie to her, make her like him and get her to trust him.

_“I’ve got news for you Michael; ‘trust me’ means absolutely nothing inside these walls.”_

But Michael could tell she did begin to trust him. He knew he didn’t fit the pattern, and that intrigued her.

“Good morning, Dr. Tancredi,” he smiled at her.

“Mr. Scofield, always a pleasure.”

“Do you mean that?”

She looked at him without the traces of a smile on her face. “No,” but he could hear the amusement in her voice.

It wasn’t hard being friendly with Sara, chatting with her during appointments or offering her a friendly smile every time they would cross paths at Fox River, but Michael knew however sincere his sentiments, he was still lying to her. He was keeping his true motivations from her and no matter what she thought she didn’t know him.

That was never more evident to him than the numerous times he was brought into her infirmary with various different injuries, inflicted in unpleasant ways under unpleasant circumstances.

“Michael, tell me what happened,” she demanded of him when he was brought in for a split lip and a black eye.

It wasn’t the first time John Abruzzi had hit him over a disagreement, and he doubted it would be the last, but the plane he needed once they crossed the wall guaranteed that he would keep his mouth shut. “Sara, you know I’m not going to say anything.”

She slammed the cupboard she was taking supplies out of. “Do you want to die, Michael?” There was no amusement in her voice now, “Because if you keep acting this way, I’m scared you will.”

He took her hand. “I’m not going to die, Sara.”

She pulled away before answering. “No one plans on dying, Michael.” He flinched at the word plan, “It just happens in here.”

He tried to smile, and winced when it split his lip further. “I’ll be more careful,” he told her.

It was a lie, he knew he wouldn’t.

Sometimes he would imagine what they would be like if none of this had ever happened, what they could be like one day if this ended.

Then Lincoln almost died on the chair. It was the most terrifying moment of Michael’s life, and he knew he had to work harder, faster, and get his brother out. Lincoln’s safety was the only thing that mattered, and the only way to get that was through the infirmary.

Sara could never know anything about him, not while his brother was still inside Fox River.

He’d never been more profoundly aware of that than the moment where Sara realised that he was planning to escape.

_“I was part of your plan. Was it all an act?”_

_“At first, yes. I needed to be here, and then I wanted to be here. With you. And it’s killing me to know that you’ll never believe that. Whatever you may think of me, this is about Lincoln; don’t make him pay for my mistakes.”_

She looked at him like she had never seen him before, and in a way, she hadn’t. He could see in her eyes the precise moment she realised she didn’t know him, and that she never had.

Michael thought his lies would save his brother’s life. He never expected them to be the one downfall to his plan, or the one thing that would cost him his relationship with Sara.

Despite that, Michael felt sure there was something there between them, that no matter what he had told her or didn’t tell her, they shared something special.

He wanted to kiss her again so badly the night he left Fox River, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew that when it all came out long after they were gone, and she realised the amount of planning that went into the escape, it would all be too much. Too many lies, too many deceptions and she wouldn’t be able to forgive him. Nor should she, she deserved so much better than he could ever give her.

He tried his best to forget her when he was out. He was free, that was what mattered. He had Lincoln to think about, he had to stay one step ahead of the police and keep Lincoln and himself alive.

When he heard what happened to her, he couldn’t think of anything else.

So much had gone wrong inside Fox River, so much had happened that wasn’t supposed to and Michael knew that he could never be forgiven for so many of those things. But Sara, what he had done to Sara was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He was overcome with guilt, and he knew he _had_ to talk to her.

So much of what happened between them had been staged or constructed, but it still meant something to him.

“It was real, Sara. You and me. It was real.” Michael knew he had never spoken truer words. It wasn’t an apology for past lies, but it was something. It was a start.

_And no matter how hard I try, I can't escape these things inside I know, I know. When all the pieces fall apart, you will be the only one who knows, who knows._


End file.
